Welcome to a public version of my dream diary - my nighttime brain is weird
The HRT Dream
- Date: 03-Jul-2016 (Sunday night -> Monday)
- mood: nightmarish, woke up in a sweat, very intense
Waiting outside the psychiatrist's office, wanting to ask
questions about starting HRT. I was very nervous - it was the one a friend on slack mentioned
I was nervous: "is she the right one? her yourkp page doesn't mention transgender services"
(I checked this IRL). I got a response back along the lines of "she doesn't publicise it"
(Due to safety I believe?). I was nervous I would find the incorrect doctor.
Title: Longing for comfort
Date: 04-Jul-2016 (Monday night -> Tuesday)
mood: intense, pleasant
I was at my second apartment - a friend was present. I was happy. I did not want them to leave
I wanted them to stay because I felt so happy and safe. The apartment was potentionally in San Francisco
I do not have enough data to confirm. It was rather wide, and a bit messy. The shower was nice...
friend decided to use my shower. The cabinets and pantry were stocked and filled with endless spices
(I lack a fully stocked kitchen IRL), lots of old food I got, planned to use, and never did (true IRL)
There was a large alcoholic beverage selection - including a beer from "EE Engineering".
I wanted to hug them intensely and I wanted to delay their departure. I had unclean glasses and cups
in the sink and laying around - growing mold even perhaps? There for potentially a month? Wanted to hug them and not let go.
Title: Big Pharma Girl
Date: 09-Aug-2016 (Monday night -> Tuesday)
mood: (lost - too much time passed)
Pharmacy/research company caused toxic pollution as per an anime episode, company started trying to buy off jury. Company was researching weaponised mind-control-inducing zika.
I kept failing to get through the security. I had infected the initial window researcher who promptly "went to get food" under "direct control".
Title: Saving life through a memory
Date: 16-Oct-2016 (Friday night -> Saturday)
mood: intense, pleasant to nightmarish
I was in a girl's memory, telling her she would be happy and okay later on
it was a memory of a party of some sort, family was there, elegant location.
Returned later on to location of memory, I was a girl, having to respawn a hologram to relaunch the happy memory (and return the holographic girl to tangible), the intermediate hologram wanted to stop the process and was fighting me - I kept respawning and eventually gained an army of similar holograms. We explored the complex, eventually travelling to the "overlay memory/model atop current human/robot/hologram" room, guy w/me was anxious about it (was it actually me?).
ORD had modernised their infrastructure! The mapping/flight tracking/booking system
had become an overly complex holographic touch-sensitive UI with an immensely steep
Later the time travel was attempted a second time after success, (I was trying to restore the filesystem to a full Galileo yocto project filesystem through a specal updater utility, my beta build was broken).
Eventually that broke down and returned to the attempt at time travel.
The avatar stayed in "protective" destruction mode and kept jumping "forward" to build a news media empire, each jump growing the building the balcony was attached to as the city around her changed and became abandoned.
Title: Gender, in the Disruption Age
Date: 29-Oct-2016 (Friday night -> Saturday)
Gender counselling done with interactive FMV app with, similar to DVD special feature games. Turned in to Harry Potter-esque dream with magic tunnels and magic passages.
Title: Mysterious PBX
Date: 30-Oct-2016 (Saturday night -> Sunday) mood: fascinated, wanted to play with more 1980s PBX. exterior unit downline loading configuration to unit next to security system. Mounted at pool. Battery still valid today. Electrical connections were two wires (AC). "L" for "Line/live" and "E" for "Extra" which was neutral.
Title: T1 Floods
Date: 18-MAY-2017 (Wednesday night -> Thursday)
mood: adventurous, desire to explore
A large building was flooding. Floors 2 and below on left side of hallway were fine, other side damaged beyond repair. Due to arson-induced flooding disabling the flood-prevention systems. Post-awful situation I was a room (classroom?) trying to bring up a T1 for some legacy system down to the lower floors...lots of cabling was shot. A company with a presence in the building had a special technique for cable stringing (and sagging!) in plenum without raceways. (Put strain relief at the ends of open space). Arson unintentional per "villian" admitting from the young kid.
Title: Video Trans
Date: 10-NOV-2017 (Unknown night -> Unknown)
mood: curious, anxious
A special game engine. in the game, you’re trans. others know this. You initially don’t. It’s first person. With sensations Others are perfectly ok with this. You’re dealing with dysphoria and whatnot and it’s a high school setting. You’re wearing a black skirt and a top Partway through, you have some bad stuff happen. You internally misgender yourself. Others point it out to the teacher that “'person' is misgendering herself” out of actual concern for mental health. Later on, you walk on to another class, you collapse. You wake up in an ambulance with an initially-seemingly transphobic EMT. You feel scared. The game engine is extremely lightweight coming in at under 100 megabytes for the entire immersive 3D game. This is some Silicon Valley-level compression shit
Title: Memory of a Girl
Date: 29-NOV-2017 (Tuesday night -> Wednesday)
mood: calm, anxious, explorative
Started out in a school, exploring some locked levels, It was about eight stories, containing an elevator for fifteen. There was a secret door, nobody opened that led out to a largely collapsed school after crossing an unsafe wooden bridge, abandoned in the eighties. A professor who had died ages ago had a lab there, and, apparently up until a short time ago was "protecting" something there. What was being protected was a ...memory. A shadowy being, a long-ago lost girl. Part of the collapsed, once-grand and ornate school still had electricity, in the back with some still-intact hallways. The shadowy figure appeared as a sudden scare, before disappearing. Later following. Eventually I realised the perosn and I were seeing a person lost to time, now just a memory, out of sync with reality. We slowly used a machine that slowly synchronised me to the memory world, however I arrived too early. The girl was young, and I was at the wrong point in her life. I jumped ahead a short bit to when she was a late-teen/early adult and we were able to communicate. She had been just floating in memories for a long time...about thirty years...never aging...lost in a professor's lab incident without anyone knowing, thus why he protected part of the school. The professor soon showed up once the girl returned to reality, having never died.
Title: American Karma Story
Date: 23-JAN-2018 (Tuesday night -> Wednesday)
American Horror Story-like mansion, unambitious character dies in bedroom, ends up ... protected by quiet energy-throwing being character had died in room and been frozen as a result of plant growth and the rotation of the earth putting plants that corrupt and punish being right outside his room and him not noticing. Nobody noticed his disappearance/death, and I spent the time to investigate.
Title: Punched Dreams
Date: 28-JAN-2018 (Unknown night -> Unknown) mood: fascinating, dark
I was in the 1970s and there was an AI written on millions of punched cards that became sentient and decided to take over and try to kill people by exploding a propane-filled inflatable mascot and running people over by taking control of a 70s datsun
Date: 05-MAY-2018 (Friday night -> Saturday)
mood: ominous Started out in an alternate world...inescapable hotel? Old "friends" from school, now grown there. I unplugged some phones and someone at another central office noticed. Called me and I needed to pretend to be the Central Office switch operator and reconnect them. Leaving the hotel did not work and made all kinds of strange things happen like time being slow and low frame-rate. Strange sex scene, too.
Later turned in to a multi-dimensional world, similar to some Sonic '06 levels; one of the trapped souls ends up "killing" herself.
Title: The 2034 Problem
Date: 11-MAY-2018 (Unknown night -> Unknown)
mood: anxious, scared
“golfing” had become a euphemism for suicide by 2034, so I can only conclude nobody played golf in 2034 anymore 2034 was a bad year, I was a teenager in high school again. Everything ran windows. Entire school internet of things systems. Disabled bathroom stalls had gotten actively hostile to the disabled to “prevent abuse by the abled”. One of my thoughts was: “Oooh. I get to use the girls’ bathroom now”. I don’t know who the president was, but trans acceptance was immensely higher and I wasn’t uneasy.
Date: 28-SEP-2018 (Unknown night -> Unknown
I had a dream about an amusement park - rides and all - in San francisco. They had an after dark show with a hot domme who was a friend of mine. She was popular. The rule? Nothing penetrative or oral. Did not sleep with her, but chatted and had fun.
Title Trans Rights are Human Rights
Date: 18-MAR-2019 (Unknown night -> unknown) mood: sad, depressing
A UN council showed up to an impromptu school hallway protest by about 100 trans kids all talking about how trans rights are human rights. I became fatalistic and became convinced nothing would change as a result. I grabbed a thingy and was going to go out to the courtyard to harm myself because I knew nothing would change. Every student was speaking on their own trying to persuade the council.
Title: Silicon Dreams
Date: 4-APR-2019 (Unknown night -> Unknown)
Nightmare about crushing on an artificial being that I was fast starting to love. Composited of multiple identities. Personality and body were breaking down at the end of the dream. Personality simulation was being simplified and the last things said were “I’m scared” and “love you”.
Title: USS Carl's Jr
Date: 09-JUL-2019 (Monday night -> Tuesday)
There was a very old carl’s jr starship. complete with labyrinthine corridors, a weird carl’s jr currency, and a weird well-illuminated church in it. There was someone trying to draw all the important rooms and the ship layout back after the "return. Layout and abandoned stuff was like the Lucky 38 from Fallout: New Vegas meets Event. Artificial gravity present.
Title: Trans Age Dream
Date: 14-AUG-2019 (Tuesday night -> Wednesday)
mood: calm and happy
A dream about being stealth trans in high school. Was a neat fluidity. Was read as either male or female based on outfit presentation. "Passing" as either perfectly.