A Sepia Tinged Life

used to only have nightmares when asleep
now living is a waking nightmare
go to bed, see hell, wake up to peace
now it's wake up in hell, go to bed at peace
repeat ad infinitum

never asked
for any of this
and yet here it is
in all its wonder

all it took to break?
shatter the illusion
and show the abuse
and hidden pain

destroy myself or let it destroy me
chemicals only meant to stop the heart a few seconds
it may have kept beating
but living ended

but living ended
reality shattered
a nightmare became home
home became a nightmare

i've been saved, at least
and so for seconds
i get peace
but rarely calm

i love you all
but why do you love me?